Dear Drupence: Unsolicited advice to the great and good

Dear Lady GaGa

2009-10-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

Your outfits have become a little drab of late, haven't they, not attention grabbing at all. Perhaps these accessories could add the outrageous and shocking je ne sais quoi you require:

1. The CERN Large Hadron Collider (LHC) around the waist with two Higg's bonsons as earrings.

2. The recently discovered pliosaur sea monster skull fossil as a fetching hat.

3. The skin of Michael Jackson.

P.S. your secret's safe with me.

Dear Michael Bublé...

2009-10-29T01:46:00.000-07:00

...the following names might be more manly and befitting of a Rat Pack style singer, the legacy of which you besmirch with your clean-cut, X-Factor-crooning, non-hard-drinking-and-smoking antics:

1. Micky ‘Blood’ Bubbles
2. Mikey 'Ball' Buster
3. Michael ‘Golden’ Baubles

Dear The Black Eyed Peas...

2009-10-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

Although, I'm sure you do 'gotta feeling' that 'tonight's going to be a good night', be prepared for such disappointments as:

1. Upon arriving at 'da club' and having your first drink, it immediately spills on your nice outfits.
2. People not realizing this is actually your song, as it bears little stylistic resemblance to any previous musical output from your band.
3. Ending the night alone, crying into a Manhattan cocktail while simultaneously micturating and reading an article about yourself in Vibe magazine.

Dear Julian Lennon...

2009-10-29T00:33:00.000-07:00

Prevent 'Saltwater Getting in your eyes' by avoiding the following films:

1. It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
2. Up (2009)
3. Robocop 2 (1990).